I Paused

The last time I created a journey entry or even wrote in my nightstand diary (yes I am mid thirties and it is still a diary) was June 2013. Why has it been so long? Life, life happened. Residency came and went. I am currently in my subspecialty fellowship, which will conclude in less than a year and a half.

Time. Where does time go? Ever think so much in the future you completely miss the present? That is me almost every day. Thinking about the next thing on the to do list, planning for life ahead, back up plans, back up plans for back up plans, and on and on and on. What about today? Where has today gone and what have I done? It is over before it begins, every single moment.

Last night, I planned my today...get up, workout, pack, get the dog to families house, go to meetings, leave for conference. Everything timed almost to the exact moment. I woke up (a blessing), made breakfast, worked out, but, something happened after my workout- I paused. A simple word, a difficult action. However, today I paused. I asked myself where are you rushing to? why do you have to do all these things before 11am? What would happen if you did not get it all done? None of these are profound questions, however, they held so much meaning in that very moment. Life is going and going and will keep on going until it stops. I will tell you something, the only time I have stopped to enjoy a sunset or look at stars use to be on vacation. I got a puppy 4 months ago. If you know anything about a puppy, initially its frequent bathroom trips and lots of focus on potty training. In the midst of  potty training, one night I looked up at the stars as I waited for her to do her business. One morning in the midst of potty training I looked up and saw the sunset, while I waited for her to do her business. It was beautiful those two moments, I paused. She trained quickly and I haven't looked at the sunset or the stars in 3 months.

In my pause today I decided, I would come back from afternoon meetings, pack and then leave for my conference. You know what? The day went great, I got everything accomplished without a rush. Sometimes I try to maximize time to get so much done in one day. Is it because I have gotten so use to life being a rush? Not having a moment to stop and take a break. I, like many of you all, want to live in the moment, to enjoy beautiful sunsets and gaze at a few stars. Why do we deprive ourselves of these moments of solace, just to check off that last thing on the to do list? Yes, I am quite sure my Type A personality plays a huge roll in this. We also know, the list will get bigger and bigger.

I hope to do better, I hope to remember this moment as I create this entry. To remember how it felt to pause and reflect. To remind myself that today's moments cannot be refunded, once they are gone they are gone forever.

Make every moment count and every now and then take a few moments in the day to pause.

Matt 6:34-So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today.

Until next time,

Live, Laugh, Love & Pause